Have You Been Shot? (A Quick Reference Guide for Checking Your Vital Signs)

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to recognize when someone else is Cupid’s Bitch, but so hard to recognize the signs when it’s you who needs to get a grip on your love life? This is the biggest reason why Cupid’s antics have gone unchecked for so long: most of his alleged victims are in denial.

It is nearly impossible to get alleged victims to unite and testify against Cupid, because more than half of us won’t even admit when we have a problem. We rationalize our behavior, we think we can break things off with our partners “anytime we feel like it,” and we waste some of the best years of our lives chasing that very first high. We think if we hang on long enough, we'll get to fly as high as we did the first time we got a taste of that 100% pure, uncut L.O.V.E. *smh * It is a sad, sad situation.

To be fair, I know from experience that it is extremely hard to recognize the signs when it is you who has been shot. When you think you’re in love, your situation always seems to fall in some gray area, and to you that means you are not really Cupid’s Bitch...right? Riiiiiiiight.

It occurred to me that it might be helpful to compile a checklist of concrete examples to aid in determining if you’ve been shot. If you can answer “yes” to two or more of these questions please call a trusted friend and begin your healing process IMMEDIATELY.


Have You Been Shot? A Quick Reference Guide for Checking Your Vital Signs

1) Do you obsessively check your partner’s myspace and spend hours deciphering messages in their comments section ( “Thanks for the add’"??? What is that supposed to mean???? Are they sleeping together???)

2) When attempting to reach your partner by phone, do you regularly block your number or call from someone else’s phone, because you suspect your partner will be more likely to answer?

3) Ladies: does anyone (besides you and his mother) understand what you see in him?

Guys: do all of your friends and family hate her and tell you to drop her?

4) Ladies: have you ever busted the windows out of his car, sent yourself flowers at work, or found yourself constantly rationalizing his inability to communicate his feelings for you?

Guys: have you ever worked three jobs or went down to the clinic and sold blood, just to support her shopping habit?

5) Ladies: when a guy breaks up with you, do you ever claim that you’re pregnant, take him to Judge Judy for the money he owes you, or pop up at his job because it was urgent that you return the afro pick he left in your car?

Guys: have you ever banged on her front door at 2am because you “just wanna see your son!” or drunk-dialed your ex and cried on her voicemail on more than one occasion?

Sorry to tell you this folks, but you might be Cupid's Bitch.

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Well, I hope this helps. Please share this quick reference guide with everyone you know. It just may convince someone to come forward and testify, and bring us all one step closer to justice =p